Calming the Green-Eyed Jealousy Monster

Jealousy is a feeling all of us have to deal with at some point, and children are no exception. It can be anything from school grades, types of trainers, sporting achievement or good old fashioned sibling rivalry. Jealousy sparks big feelings in us – so how to support your child with defeating the green-eyed monster? Continue reading

Positive Self Talk – and Why it Matters

Our thoughts determine our actions – if we are in the habit of positive self-talk and positive thinking, we find that we can do things and marvel at our successes. However, all too often our internal chatter  is very negative; we can’t, we are stupid, people will laugh at me. Here are some tips on turning off the negative – and switching on the positive with yourself – and your children. Continue reading

How to Explain Tough Love to your Child / Teenager

There’s no doubt about it –  as your children and teenagers grow up, there are often times when you need to apply a bit of the old tough love. And it can hurt.  It can upset them and it can hurt to you to have to say it and then cope with the backlash. Here are a few tips to explain what tough love is – and why it is important. Continue reading

Overcoming Self Doubt

It is normal that every now and then we doubt ourselves. Did we say the right thing, offend someone or could we have reacted in a more positive or self-assured way? Self doubt is normal, but more and more children and young adults are basing their self worth on the values and opinions of others. Continue reading

Kindness Makes the World go Round

To be kind is one of life´s virtues. It says a great deal about who we are as a person. It reflects how we respect and treat others and ourselves, and how we wish to be seen in the grand scheme of things. Continue reading

The importance of “ME” time

Having time to ourselves is really important – it is healthy and normal. Many of my “kids” complain they need more “me time” yet they find it hard to schedule in and do not always understand this need in others. Continue reading

The Importance of Good Manners

Good manners matter – they cost nothing yet can mean a great deal to others. They make a positive difference and a lasting impression, yet so many young people are failing to be “well mannered” – but at what cost?

Continue reading

Don´t touch me like that – how to handle embarrassing conversations

It is right that we all have control over who touches our body and how they touch it -and as children get older, they need more control over who touches them, and in what way. No means no and more often than not we need to help children to have  these conversations with others. Continue reading

Having a Bad Reputation – and What they can do about it

Does your child have a bad reputation at school? The problem with bad reputations is that they are easy to get – and tricky to shake off. Happily, there are things they can do to start taking back control and making life a lot less lonely. Continue reading

How to Manage Stress and Stay Calm

Stress is something we all have to mange, yet without secure strategies in place, it can rule us, rather than us managing our stress levels. Continue reading

How to Make time for Downtime – and Why it is SO important: A Spookje Story

Are you and your children constantly busy and on the go, with little or no downtime? The importance of being mindful and taking time out has never been more important. Continue reading

When Kids Break The Rules : A Spookje Story

It’s completely normal for children of all ages (even the grown up ones!)to test boundaries and break the rules. However – where is the balance between allowing them to test the limits and keeping them safe? 

Children break the rules for different reasons:

  1. To test your limits and see how far they can push you – this is about control and who has it – and who hasn’t.
  2. For attention – even if it is negative attention.
  3. Copying others to fit in and be part of a group.
  4. It is fun – it’s a way to assert their authority and gain more independence.
  5. They do not know the point of the rule – to them it is meaningless.

As soon as children learn that breaking the rules works – they get what they want  – so they will keep repeating it. Children / preteens who are defiant at school and get sent out of class may behave this way to GET sent out of class. As soon as they know what buttons they need to press to get what they want – they will do it over and over. Then you end up in a vicious circle of telling them off, only to find they immediately repeat the same behaviour.

Rules and boundaries are vital to children and teenagers. They are there to keep them safe and offer boundaries that ensure they can learn positive life skills.

Here are a few tips to help manage the constant rule breaking at home and maybe offer some food for thought:

  1. Sit down and explain that the rule breaking is a big cause of arguments. Talk to your child about it – be open and curious – what are their reasons for breaking the rules? If they have the confidence to be open and honest about it, then make sure there are no negative consequences for their openness. It might be that they want your attention and that’s why they break the rules. This is simply about them wanting your time, so schedule in times when they will have your undivided attention and AGREE TOGETHER that this then stops the negative attention rule breaking. You’ll need to stick to the agreement too – otherwise, that in turn will illicit negative attention seeking.
  2. Look at what rules are being broken – are those rules fair, age appropriate and meaningful to your children?
  3. How many rules are there and what is their purpose?
  4. What rules are non-negotiable because they are there to keep them safe?
  5. Do the children know the purpose for and reasons behind the rules – sometimes they do not see the point of rules. If there are meaningless, then children will continually break them.
  6. What rules are no longer necessary?
  7. What independence do the rules encourage?

Two key questions are:

  1. What level of input do children have over rules and boundaries?
  2. What is your reaction to rule breaking – and how consistent is it?
  3. What are the consequences to rule breaking – who imposes them and how consistently are they applied?

If you find your child is breaking the rules and it’s causing trouble at home, please get in touch.

 

 

Change is Coming

Change can be challenging for all of us – especially if we did not choose it, do not want it or we are scared of what will happen.The unknown can be frightening for all of us. Continue reading

Spookje Stories: I HATE YOU! Bad Moods Impact on Everyone

Watch out – he´s in a bad mood  AND IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT

Ever had your head completely bitten off by your kids (or a colleague, friend or partner)  for absolutely no reason – but suddenly you feel like you did something wrong? Continue reading

Spookje Stories: Happiness – Being Happy and Keeping that Feeling

happy, happier, happiest – happiness

It’s so lovely when your children are in a great mood, are delightful to spend time with, follow all the rules,  don’t argue….. and then BANG something happens and it’s all changed. Continue reading

Spookje Stories: Keeping Clean

Having trouble getting your kids to keep themselves clean?

As adults we know an important part of self-care is keeping ourselves clean, brushing our teeth, washing our faces, bodies and hair – yet somethings children do not see the importance of these simple things. Continue reading

Spookje Stories – WAKE UP AND FEED ME!

Hello! Do your children constantly wake up early on a morning, demanding attention or to be given breakfast? It can be very annoying and there are things they can do to solve the problem. Continue reading